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Halloween review: don’t bother

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Everyone knows Halloween (we know it so well we’ve had two reviews in less than two weeks), the slasher of all slasher flicks. What drives this utter beast? Why does he do what he does?

Straight off the bat the sequel wanted to clear things up – it wanted to bring Halloween to 2018 and address the magnitude of Michael Myers’s killings against the backdrop of modern societal chaos.

Some guy kills a few people, in the scheme of things, he’s not that bad’ – I paraphrase one character as he says that in front of the main victim’s granddaughter. However it’s true, in the scheme of modern day in real life and on the screen, Michael Myers is pretty tame, David Gordon Green needed to do Halloween x 10. But he aimed and unfortunately, missed.

He’s unstoppable apparently – a mindless killing machine with GPS navigational settings and a LinkedIn that allows him to find his targets and their connections. So be ready for a first and second act of pretty standard knife crime, well, some of it was pretty insane.

Throughout this though is Laurie, Jamie lee Curtis, paranoid to everyone else but obviously completely just in feeling so. She knows Michael will escape and HE DOES!

And when he starts his rampage you wait for Laurie to step up, you wait for Laurie to show off her mad skills that she chose over her family and life, you wait, and you keep waiting and…I’m still waiting.

Before long it becomes Home Alone style chaos in a severely unkept house (if I was prepping for the return of my tormentor I’d do a lot more than have a magic moving kitchen island and a shotgun selection, I definitely would have a ROOM DEDICATED TO MANNEQUINS, but that’s just me).

You hope this is going to be the bad ass female horror where there isn’t the snivelling damsels in distress, you want them all to grab Michael and double tap that creepy shit but they leave you hanging. Three generations of trickled down paranoia should end in a powder keg of shotgun blasts and slow mo, instead we’re left looking like a sequel will be in the works.

All in all, it falls flat. It’s not that deep.  2.5/5.

Audience rating: All good besides the guy checking football scores throughout. When the fun stops, stop man.

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